Friday, 25 June 2010

Live without Fear

I wrote most of this blog over 4 months ago... but i haven't felt able to post it 

You may have noticed, that i haven't blogged for quite a while
because of ongoing issues... but here goes

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I recently read an interview maybe in the evening Standard with a lady who i can't remember the name of now who would be termed by E! Entertainment channel as a cougar.
Her famous boyfriend is 20 years or so younger than her, and she’s just very happily, become pregnant.
I’m sure if I googled it I could find out who she was.
It wasn’t so much the fact she was a cougar and dating a younger man that resonated with me, and has made me type this little missive, although of course, it did strike a chord, but it was that she said her main motto and plan has always been to live without fear.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. To live without fear. Fear of getting older, Fear of going out with someone younger. (That’s just in terms of the context of this article) But fear can permeate so many things. Fear is anxiety, fear is worry, fear is stress, fear is in some ways guilt. And all of it is pretty much unnecessary. I’m sure my Dad being infinitely practical and pragmatic would say “Talita, fear is a natural defense” and that “Fear would save neanderthal man from the beast” Yes, its true that fear can give you the edge you need. Like performers going on stage. Or broadcasters getting behind the mic. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that to live without fear is an admirable goal I think, and something that makes me admire this lady (who I can’t remember the name of) who tries to live her life without it.
I once read a Buddhist monk say “My religion, is to live, and die, without regret”
I think this is very similar to living without fear.
Recently I’ve come up against a situation that made me scared, having fear of something is a horrid feeling. And that’s over and on top of the normal anxieties and fears you get as a PR i.e. “Will I get this album’s press sorted in time” and “How the hell am I supposed to fit all this in?”
Fear, like anger, really being scared of something is a horrid feeling that seems to swim in your gut then pop up in your mind. I don’t like it. And what’s more, I’m not the kind of person who would shrivel, I like to summon up courage and go and deal with it.
Is it possible to live without fear?
Sometimes I think I have too much fear and hence safety in my life. When I got mugged last year and they got away with nothing, I think it helped that I’m to a degree always on my guard and that I wasn’t too coy to shout loud, and that I wouldn’t let go of my stuff. Arseholes.
I like to think I don’t put myself in harms way too much.
But surely all these “security” measures enable me to live without fear? Or are they just the opposite?

Anger is always the first emotion that is thought about when it comes to talking about destructive emotions. But I think sometimes that fear is just as bad.
Fear of rejection for example, and fear of what other people think. I wonder if people didn’t feel burdened by these things how much more they might achieve, and how much closer to their dreams they may reach?

After all, if you don’t ever try, then you’ll never know.

My aim is to live without fear.
But I think that I’m still practising.

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I think I'll finish with some awesome Iron Maiden lyrics and say how excited i am about seeing them at Sonisphere this year...

I am a man who walks alone
And when I'm walking a dark road
At night or strolling through the park

When the light begins to change
I sometimes feel a little strange
A little anxious when it's dark.

Fear of the dark,fear of the dark
I have constant fear that something's always near
Fear of the dark,fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someone's always there

Have you run your fingers down the wall
And have you felt your neck skin crawl
When you're searching for the light ?
Sometimes when you're scared to take a look
At the corner of the room
You've sensed that something's watching you.

Have you ever been alone at night
Thought you heard footsteps behind
And turned around and no-one's there ?
And as you quicken up your pace
You find it hard to look again
Because you're sure there's someone there

Watching horror films the night before
Debating witches and folklore
The unknown troubles on your mind
Maybe your mind is playing tricks
You sense,and suddenly eyes fix
On dancing shadows from behind.

Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a constant fear, thought you heard
Fear of the dark, fear of the dark
I have a phobia that someone's always there.

When I'm walking a dark road
I am a man who walks alone