Thursday, 30 April 2009

oh my HAMMERFEST!!! - day 1


April 24-25th 2009

I woke up in the bunk that one of Mutant had so kindly deposited me in when i passed out at the foot of their tour bus steps and realised it was daylight. I didn't really know where i was or what time it was. All i could think about was Some like it Hot. Where was the bass playing Lucy? (she doesn't actually play bass, and it would be the inverse of Some like it Hot, but seeing as its one of my favourite movies and the bunks were just like those on the train, and we'd just got totally drunk, it made sense to me)

So thanks to Sam, who put me in (i believe his own) bunk after making Mike and Ben give me a piggy back round some service station at 3am...

Anyway, wakey wakey rise and shine... the sun is up (although it wasn't shining in Wales) and Lucy and i were probably late for work. But where was she? The whole bus was deathly quiet. I jumped down from the bunk and wandered down the aisle only to find her scrunched up on the front seat asleep. I woke her up, we got our things and snuck out leaving Evile, Trigger the Bloodshed and Mutant to sleep. We must have looked like the creatures from the Black lagoon wandering aimlessly in a Pontins carpark.

US =

And Pontins =

Pontins = a huge amount of brightly coloured canteen flavoured council estate planned holiday camp.
I suppose its portrayed that getting into metal is like taking a journey to the dark side, and that its so grim and necro and heavy. Well, the mix of that idea with the happy joy of Pontins is a heady cocktail enough to blow anyone's mind. I love it.
Lucy and i, like everyone else were staying in a council estate flat like chalet. I didn't really know what to call it. I had been warned they were gross, but actually i thought they were pretty rad. I was feeling suprisingly upbeat for the amount of vodka i'd drunk, and pre-9am this is a really bad sign. It means i'm still drunk.
So i phoned Dan-the-man our Earache label manager to see how far away he was, he'd be half hour, so enough time for the swimming bath-like shower and to get my game head on.
By the time we started setting up the Earache stall with the dudes, and for the fact that we couldn't find a cuppa tea anywhere, the hangover started to set in. And oh lord what a doozy. I remember when i wasn't drinking (or not much) last year, and i used to think i didn't get hangovers and couldn't remember the last hangover i'd had... now i don't want to think about it.
It hit Noon and we went to the cateen. The food looked gross. I ordered fish and chips (i really wasn't thinking straight) and ate 5 chips and a bit off fish then stared into space. Lucy and i said we'd take the shift until 2pm so the guys could get some lunch.
I started to get the shakes. This was not good. I felt so sick. Ugh. I was the least inviting person you'd ever want to buy anything from. We must have looked like the walking dead. Sitting and shaking dead more like.
However, i'm never one to be defeated. It was clearly time to raise the game. After shaking and almost puking for 2 hours during our shift we went back to our pad to catch some Zzzz's and try and get it together. That was only round one, i wasn't about to stumble at the first party hurdle of the year.
So i put on Dolly Parton and fell asleep. There's nothing a subconcious Dolly-P can't cure.
Why d'you come in here looking like that? (Like you haven't had any sleep and you'd drunk a litre of vodka between you, pull it together Talita you have to party/work soon) Why d'you come in here looking like that?!
So suffice to say 5pm Friday, Lucy and i are back on our feet. I've back-combed Lucy's hair to epic proportions, she has her hotpants on, we've met up with Alice and the girls and we're ready for round 2.
Evile are awake and on point and i can't wait to see them play again. I'm keen to see Mutant too, and Blood Island Raiders.
We do another couple of hours on the stall - i actually had to miss Evile so that Dan and the others could see them (i'd seen them in London anyway). I saw Blood Island Raiders, by this point i was feeling good... so Lucy, me and the ladies were back on the wagon - after we'd packed the stall up it was time to dance. I love to dance. I don't care what you think. I love it. That dancefloor has my name on it. Yeh ok, i move like a geriatric. You want to judge my dancing? Fine, but you're not dancing and i am. So whatever!
Slayer always gets me going, you can't play Raining Blood and not expect a reaction. And that was it, us ladies were (in the words of Lucy) "throwing shapes" all over the place. So much so that Derek from Sepultura (Lucy's new friend) wanted to take photos of us. "You dirty perv!!" Lucy shouted at him apparently, before he explained that he meant of us dancing. Clothes on.
We were way too busy dancing anyway.
Sweet Savage - a NWOBHM original - added late to the Hammerfest line up. Came on about 1am. Even in a drunken sweaty state we all knew that they were all over the place.
Andreas (Tornado) of Wolf had come to hang out with us. Axeman of Wolf had been promising me that he was gonna get so crunk at Hammerfest with us - promising for the past 2 years - but he was in bed by 11pm! Shame!
It was at this point during Sweet Savage that some drunk guy threw a drink at us, which pissed me off as he'd soaked my White Wizzard tshirt, and i pushed him out the way, as he was bumping into us continuously in a "I'm pretending i'm bumping into you, but actually i'm feeling you up" way - which makes me mad. Anyway, he was wasted.
But at that point another drunk dude behinds me falls over and as i turn round to see what happened TIMMMBERRRR! Lucy slips up on the pool of drink on the floor curteousy of the first drunk dude, and takes a slam into the floor landing hard on her (gorgeous) bottom. Lucy has a long way to fall, she's very tall. And this bum injury gave her pain - indeed is still giving her pain!
So after Sweet Savage, us girls were roaming the venue looking for a party, when we bumped into James (Sikth) and Khaled (Raise the Dead ) who told us they knew where the party was at.
The venue was closing up, and we had to go on a bit of a wild goose chase maze race through the building trying to find it - it was meant to be in the media centre. But when we got up there it was deserted.
Khaled gets a text saying "The party is through the yellow hole."
What on earth does that mean?
Then Khaled got it and we all ran back upstairs to the media centre (which was infact the kids playground) and in the wall there was a yellow tube leading through to the ballpark - and we all crawled through to find The Architects and i don't know who else in there. Party!
Oh, then we got chucked out by security 3 minutes later
"I'm calling response"
End of Hammerfest day 1.

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