I don't speak spanish

I find it really embarrasing I don't speak spanish.

I have conversations like this:
(Pointing to a packet of crisps through the iron grill that comes down over grocers shop fronts after 10pm)
"Y du leche" I ask
(Guys laughing at me looking at the big packet of crisps and milk)
"Its not todas para moi" I say
They laugh
"Muy malo my Espangol!" I say
They laugh more
"Mierde! Buenos noches" I say laughing

Or maybe like this with a taxi driver:
Hola
"Hola!"
"Avenue de Mayo por favor"
(* please note my understanding of spanish is reasonably good because of french, but I can't find the words to respond)
Taxi driver (in spanish): where are you from?
Me: Londres
Taxi D in Sp: you like Buenos Aires
Me: Si me gusta bien
Taxi D: Are you on holiday?
Me: Si
Taxi D: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Non
TD: Do you like Argentinian men?
Me: Si... They're nice. Errrr...
TD: Why don't you have a novio?
Me: Errrrrr nada novio errrr
TD: what do you do for sex? (I think that's what he said in spanish)
Me: No comprendo

Please note: these conversations actually happened.
~ I'm on the move - this was sent from my GooseBerry® ~